Understanding the Journey: Living with OCD and Depression

Understanding the Journey: Living with OCD and Depression

Mental health struggles can often feel isolating and overwhelming.

In this blog, I’m exploring my personal journey through the challenges of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and depression, shedding light on the realities faced by those who deal with these conditions.
By sharing my story, I hope to provide comfort and understanding to those who may find themselves in similar situations.

Early Beginnings

The journey of mental health challenges often begins in childhood. For many, including myself, it can start with seemingly harmless behaviours that gradually escalate into debilitating rituals.

My own story began when I was diagnosed with OCD and depression at the tender age of eleven. However, the roots of my struggles can be traced back even further.

 

 

Initial Signs of OCD

My first encounters with OCD were subtle. I remember staying at my Dad’s house and becoming fixated on counting the polystyrene balls behind a rip in the wallpaper.

At home, I would obsessively check my bed for hair or lint, feeling an uncontrollable urge to remove any imperfections.

These rituals did not initially cause distress; they were simply behaviours I felt compelled to perform.

However, as time progressed, these behaviours became more pronounced.

My Mum recognised the signs early on and took me to see a doctor.
Unfortunately, the response was less than supportive. I vividly remember sitting in the doctor's office, feeling dismissed when I was told to "pull my socks up."

This lack of understanding only added to the stigma surrounding mental health, which was even more pronounced two decades ago.

 

The Escalation of Symptoms

As I transitioned into secondary school, my OCD became increasingly debilitating. The rituals I had once been able to manage spiralled out of control.

I developed a fear of germs that led to excessive handwashing.

Every. Single. Action became a ritual, whether it was pouring cereal or getting dressed for school. The weight of these compulsions was exhausting.

The fear of death became a central theme in my life.

I was haunted by a sense of impending doom, convinced that every misstep could result in catastrophic consequences.

This fear was not only mine; I later learned that it was a shared experience among many who suffer from similar conditions.

 

Seeking Help

Recognising the severity of my situation, my Mum, again, sought help for me.

I began seeing a psychologist, but the experience was not always positive. I encountered professionals who seemed more interested in uncovering non existent, in my case, traumatic events than understanding the nature of my OCD.
The misconception that someone else’s perception of ‘significant trauma’* must precede mental health issues only added to my frustration.

*I wasn’t abused in the slightest-I was however a highly sensitive child who found life overwhelming and would later go on to discover I was ADHD and likely Autistic too.

 

Despite these challenges, I persevered.

It was essential for me to find a supportive environment where I could express my feelings without judgement. My Mum’s unwavering support was crucial during this time, as she fought tirelessly to ensure I received the appropriate care.

 

The Impact of OCD on Daily Life

The rituals associated with my OCD became so overwhelming that I could barely function in daily life.

Simple tasks transformed into lengthy processes filled with anxiety. Getting out of bed, making breakfast, or even taking a shower became exhausting challenges that consumed my time and energy.

  • Morning Routine: I struggled to get out of bed, often taking an hour just to muster the courage to face the day.
  • Breakfast: Preparing a simple meal could take half an hour, as I became fixated on ensuring every step was performed correctly.
  • Personal Hygiene: Showers turned into rituals where I would boil my skin to rid myself of germs, leaving my hands cracked and bleeding.

These experiences not only affected me but also placed a heavy burden on my Mum, who had to navigate her own mental health challenges while supporting me.

The reality of living with OCD is exhausting, and it often leaves those affected feeling isolated and misunderstood.

 

Turning Points and Inpatient Care

As my condition worsened, it became clear that I needed more intensive support.

My Mum made the difficult decision to seek inpatient care for me. I was fourteen when I stayed with my aunt for a time, allowing my mother a much-needed break. However, the prospect of being sent to a hospital filled me with dread.

When my mother informed me of the decision, I felt a wave of panic wash over me.

I feared being abandoned and imagined a terrifying environment filled with straitjackets and padded cells.

These misconceptions about mental health facilities are common but often unfounded. In reality, these places should provide crucial support and therapy for those in need.


Reflections on the Journey

Looking back, I can see how far I have come since those tumultuous teenage years.

While the pain and struggles still feel close to the surface, I have learned to manage my OCD and depression with the help of therapy, support from loved ones, and a deeper understanding of my own mental health and the wisdom that comes as we grow up.

 

Lizz’s Final Thoughts 💭 

Mental health struggles are often complex and multifaceted, deeply intertwined with personal experiences and family history.
By sharing my story, I hope to foster understanding and compassion for those battling OCD and depression.
Remember, it is not only okay to seek help, it is extremely important.

There is always hope for a brighter future.

If you or someone you know is struggling, I encourage you to reach out to mental health professionals or the helplines below for support.

You do not have to face these challenges alone.


In Solidarity,
Lizz xoxo

 

 

Resources

For those in need of immediate support, here are some helpful resources:

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Remember, you are not alone in your battle. Reach out, share, and seek the support you deserve.

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